New Life

Well, I could start off this post by apologizing for my lack of posts over the past three months and promise to make sure I am better about blogging. BUT we have been there before (more than once) and we all know that I probably don't mean it. I want to blog, I do. I mean I log into this almost every day and read other blogs, but for some reason I just never find the motivation. Or, I think "do people really care?" Then I remember that the reason I stalk everyone else's blog is because I am nosy and do care about what other people do or are doing. I'm going to try and get better at this. I need to take the approach that this will be great for Harrison, and other kids we might have, to look back on and see how our lives once were. I'm thinking if I look at it that way instead of a chore or hassle the motivation will come a little easier. We'll see!

The past three months have been the best, the hardest, the most emotional, very adventurous, extremely challenging and yet the most rewarding months of my life. Whew! This parent thing is hard. I mean, friends that had kids would tell me how hard it is, but this is something you will never truly know until you are doing it. Harrison is a GREAT baby. Heck, he was sleeping through the night at 2 months. He is still breasfeeding 90% of the time and boy (no pun intended) is he a champ eater.  He cries, but I have quickly (if you ask my husband he would not say quickly) learned that babies cry. They do, and it's ok. I love waking up to see what new "tricks" he can do that he couldn't do the day before. I love his gummy smile. I love knowing that I am so freaking lucky to be this perfect little boy's mom. I usually want to just cry thinking about it.  BUT it's freaking hard. I'm so worried I am going to mess something up. I'm worried I will do something wrong that will change the rest of his life. I'm worried I am going to walk down our hardwood stairs and drop him and his head will hit every step on the way. Is this normal?! I mean who thinks of these things? I do, apparently!

I'm back at work and have been for about 3 weeks. I hate it. H-A-T-E it. We found a really nice lady that runs an in-home place. She has been great. She is probably around my parent's age and has raised two very successful kids. I know she is good with him, but I want to be home with him during the day. People would tell me that I would be ready to go back, but I was not and am still not. Maybe it's because I don't like my job. Maybe it's because Harrison can't crawl or get into things to make my life so challenging I would like to be away for 8 hours. All I know, is that right now I want to be home with him. If you are a mom that is able to stay home, please count your blessings. We have tried to figure out anyway possible for me to be able to stay home and this second it is not possible. Maybe that's because I am not ready to give up certain things, but I said I would give up A LOT. I'm hoping we can figure something out.... soon!

I can also say that we are lucky to have been able to keep a lot of friends that don't have kids. I knew this was and will continue to be a challenge. We are not afraid to get a babysitter or take him with us and put him in a car seat to sleep while we hang out. It is important to us that we keep the friends that we have. We both value our friendships and we know it is important to have those friends around to keep us sane. I know as he gets older or the more kids we have the harder it will become. I have also learned to make new "mom" or parent friends that we can share stories with or take advice from. Either way, we have been very lucky. Now if more of our married friends would get on the bandwagon and have kids.. geez! On a little side note, I tease my non-kid friends about doing it and how great it is, but I also know that you need to be ready. This is something that you don't mess around with. This is something that will challenge your relationship with your spouse and something that will quickly be make you be less selfish. I don't think we did it too soon or too young because we both wanted kids and this was going to be our life. We love it! I want all the people even thinking about starting a family that it really is the best thing you can do, but make sure you are ready.

I don't even remember being pregnant. Sure, I remember that I complained and ate quite a bit a lot but I don't remember what it felt like. This is a good thing because when I was pregnant, I said I would only be having one child. Now, I am back to the 3 or 4 original estimate. I almost miss the feeling of him moving inside of me. Even 3 months later, I still wish I could have him all to myself. This just means we will have to have more. Not saying I'm getting pregnant tonight, but I know that I want more and especially for Harrison to have a sibling. It really is the best relationship.

Walter is adjusting. I wouldn't be comfortable saying that he is adjusting well, because I think it is hard for him. I think he misses his old life. I think every time we walk in the door and he runs up to the car seat he is thinking "sh**! That kid is back." He has been such a trooper. He has his moments. Acutally, I have my moments with him where I get extremely frustrated. I can tell that I treat him differently or yell at him a little more. He is still our kid and we both love him like crazy. I have yet to think of his as "just a dog". He is a part of this family and he will continue to be treated like that. I just can't wait for Harrison to start eating real food so he can make nice with him by giving him the extras. Unfortunately, that is still a few months away.

So, that is our new life. Adam and I both really do love it. We are still trying to figure some stuff out but I think we will always be doing that. I love when people ask the question "how do you know?" or they say "I'm so glad you know what you are doing!". The funny thing is, we don't. We don't know what we are doing 99% of the time. We use trial and error. We wing it every single day. Thank goodness for Google and Baby Center. Basically, thank goodness for the internet. Also, thank goodness for Facebook. That bad boy got me through some rough 3 AM feedings. Oh, and it also helps when I'm in an utility closet at work pumping or as I like to say milking the cow Don't be jealous of my life.  We really don't know what we are doing, but I do know that we all survived from parents that had no clue. I'm convinced Harrison will be ok. He is loved and cared for and most days I tell myself that over and over again to help me make it through.

Well, I'm off to enjoy a weekend with Walter. Just me and Walter for a little over 24 hours. I do have a pedicure, solo trip to Target, bridal shower and bachelorette party ahead of me. Watch out.. cause this mama is out coming out!!

PS... I'm sad Oprah is over! Not that I am home everyday at 4 to enjoy her, but I do have DVR. Now I will have to fill up my portion with Housewives of New Jersey. It's Jersey Shore all grown up. Same story, different people.